From: Aaron

Okay, well I’m a sophomore in high school and I really don’t know why but I have a HUGE unhealthy fear of asking girls out. I can flirt and sometimes get a response but I guess I just always over think it because I usually fall for friends and then don’t want to ruin the friendship… I really don’t know what to do but this bothers me all the time.. help!

H.U.S.H. Response:

It sounds like you’re not doing as bad as you think. If you’re able to talk with girls, flirt with girls, and spend time with girls, you are already doing better than a lot of guys out there. Now it’s time to just take that one last little baby step and make your relationship with one of those girls a bit more romantic.

If it’s a new girl you’re interested in you’ve got to make sure from now on you don’t put her in the friend zone, and vice versa. Don’t get too comfortable around her like she already is your friend – the way you and other guys might be able to just hang out and make jokes the whole time and burp and fart won’t make your relationship with her into anything more than friendly. Watch what you talk about with her. If you get to friendly talk about all her feelings, the problems in her life, your emotions, or who both of you think is cute around school you are steering yourself straight for the friend zone. And finally don’t be so predictable. Don’t answer every text immediately, don’t come to her locker every day after 3rd period. Don’t always ask her the same question each day. Be a little hot and cold and keep some mystery about you. Before you hang out with her and a big group it’s best to hang out one-on-one, this will give you a chance to put a more-than-friends twist on your encounter, rather than bouncing around the mall with a big group where you two will just become friends that are a part of that clique. So pick a girl, and ask her out – before things get friendly.

If you’ve fallen for a friend you already have it gets a bit trickier. Do you think there is something between you and one of them but you’re nervous about the friendship? Sometimes it’s worth the risk. High school is a really short time and at the end of it everyone usually goes their separate ways. Even if you make a few mistakes here and there with who you make your friends and who you make your girlfriends, the people who really matter will be there with you at the end no matter what. If there is someone you have in mind suggest hanging out and when she asks about the details say, “I thought it could maybe be just the two of us.” You’ve got to somehow separate the two of you from the bigger circle of friends for just some short time to kick up the romantic factor. Don’t be skeezy and change the way you act too much or she might pick up on it and be put off. Just try to initiate some sort of physical contact the way a friend wouldn’t, make more eye contact, and show her that you’re interested.

OR if this sort of thing happens from time to time among you and your friends, try to feel out with other friends in the group whether or not your crush might like you back. It’s a little high-school-drama-like, but hey, that’s what being in high school is for.

Hope some of this helps,

H.U.S.H.

Have your own question you want answered? Ask it here.