From: Austin

She’s small and thin while I’m on the bigger side. How should I go about talking to her while I’m also shy?

H.U.S.H. Response:

I know this sounds like a cliché, but size doesn’t matter. Sure the way our culture is set up it seems like having a body like the guys that we see in the media would help us draw girls, but in reality it’s not often a make-or-break factor if there are other things someone has going for them. I have seen small girls go for big guys. I’ve seen big girls take on scrawny boys. I have known jacked guys that couldn’t get a date throughout high school. I have known heavyset kids that jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend.

What matters most is how you present yourself to others. The most important advice I’ve ever received about looks is this: Confidence Looks Good on Everyone. When you think of yourself as the shy, neglected, nice-guys-finish-last type that’s what she’ll see you as too. Guys and girls are both drawn to people that seem happy with themselves and confident enough to talk to, laugh with, and generally have fun with.

If you have that down it’s time to get back to the basics.

• Find out what interests her. Ask her about it. Pay attention when she talks. Remember things she says and bring them up again later. She’ll like knowing that you’re really listening when she talks. It feels like not enough people listen to us (really listen to us) in high school.
• Smile. Eye contact. Once she feels comfortable throw in a few gentle touches on her arm.
• And before too long you’ve got to show her you’re interested. If she is giving you any signs back that she might like you (she touches you back, she remembers things you say, she lingers around when ever you two are about to part ways, she smiles and looks at you a little longer than other people do), say what you mean. Ask to hang out in a situation that is a little romantically charged. It has got to be the two of you alone doing something a little different from what you’d do with other people. This will help you steer clear of The Friend Zone.

I know breaking out of the shy shell can be hard but you can start small. If you haven’t talked to her yet just a smile and “Hi,” while passing her in the hallway is a good start. It doesn’t matter that you two have never talked – it’s always nice to have someone acknowledge us. Try it out.

If there is some place you regularly see her (eg. In line in the cafeteria, in gym, waiting for the bus, etc), the next time you see her somewhere else start a conversation about that. Hey, it’s something the two of you have in common.

• Hey it’s the gym class hero. Could you believe we had to do that fitness test in gym last week? How is doing sit-and-reach contributing to my education?
• Hey, don’t we take the same bus home? Do you ever feel like that driver is just a little too old to see the road?

You’ve got to start somewhere and you’ll feel much better if you try and it falls flat than you will just longing for her forever. You can do this!

Thanks for reading and I hope some of this helps,

H.U.S.H.

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