Relationships are meant to be an awesome mix of fun and fuzzy feelings – but if you’re doing it right it also means being there for her.

Sure, being somebody’s boyfriend involves making each other laugh, trying new things together, making one another feel special, making out, meeting the parents, and silly traditions like prom or Valentine’s Day. But sometimes most importantly it means emotional support. So how can you be there for her when she’s overwhelmed with feelings?  Try these three things:

Just Listen

A big part of your job when she needs someone to talk to is simply shutting up. She doesn’t need someone to toss out solutions, or challenge how she’s thinking, or tell her it’s not so bad. All she needs is for you to give her your undivided attention. Look at her. Nod. Wrinkle your nose. Say “mhmm.” Do your best at understanding where she’s coming from.

Physical Contact

Place an understanding hand on a knee. Pull her closer and gently rub comforting circles on her back. Hold her hand with both of yours. Envelop her in a meaningful hug that whispers, “this must be hard for you right now,” rather than screams, “I want your bod.” Your physical warmth and presence can mean a lot.

Supportive Words

These are the things that will help and that you’re pretty much always going to be safe saying:

• “I’m sorry you’re going through this right now.”
• “That must really suck.”
• “Yeah.”
• “I know.”

But the situation might also call for you to tell her, “everything is going to be okay,” provide compliments, and reassure her, “whatever you need I’m here for you.”

You won’t always get it right. But trying is half of what counts. You’ll learn from mistakes, if you ask she’ll tell you what she needs, and you’ll get better with practice. If you and her are official, being there for her is now one of your duties. Do your best!