Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

How to not be a controlling boyfriend

Figuring out how to act in a relationship can be more complicated than AP Chem. The advice we get from adults usually doesn’t get more helpful than, “be a gentleman” (what does that mean?!). This means too often you have to figure it out as you go using the clues you gather from what you see and hear around you. But what sucks is the way other guys talk about how they act in relationships usually doesn’t match up to how they actually act. Most dudes talk a lot of game that if you actually followed would make you into a real nutjob.

The Message: Be In Control

The message we get is that we have to run the show. You have to know where your girl is, who she’s with, and what she’s up to all the time. This Message Sucks!

  • It’s not fun.
  • It’s not attractive.
  • It’s abusive.

Some guys will Read on »

She said let's just be friends

Stranger. Girl you know. Friend. Girlfriend. Ex.

It’s easy when a girl you know fits easily into one and only one of these categories. If only things always stayed that simple. These lines will blur, your relationships will take unexpected turns, and sometimes things will change in ways you don’t want them to.

So what do you do when a girl tells you she “just wants to be friends”? Read on »

Getting dumped sucks. In some cases, even being the one who breaks up with the other person sucks. Relationships can be enjoyable and when they end it sucks. But in most cases, a relationship that ended was meant to be finished. If it’s over, it’s over. And you have got to make sure you are okay with that.

One thing that lures us back to a broken relationship is remembering Read on »

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. If you’re reading this that probably means you’re strapped for last minute ideas to show your girlfriend how much she means to you. There aren’t a lot of big things you can do with a 24-hour turn-around period. But that’s okay. You can be more serious about showing her how much she means to you by thinking small and being sincere.

There have been a lot of posts here on H.U.S.H. to help guys out in the gift-giving department before. Check out our Five Most Important Tips: Read on »

We want girls to think we’re hot. We want them to say “yes” to our date invitations. We want them to tell their friends about how cool we are. The guys with all the sweet gear and good looks make it seem so easy. But you don’t need all of that for success with the ladies. We’ll help you do without all the fancy extras in our ongoing series, You Don’t Need.

Nice Car? Nope. Not what you need to get girls.

Yes. It is fun to cruise around in a shiny ride. But the wheels don’t do the wooing. It’s the who drives that does. Girls won’t make out with an exhaust pipe. They won’t talk to a carburetor on Skype. Just because you don’t have a cool car doesn’t mean you can’t rev her engine. Read on »

Got a girlfriend? Have no idea what to get her this holiday season? We’re halfway through December so it’s time to think quick. Keep these tricks in mind and you’ll make her feel special without dropping much cash.

Ask Her Friends

Get the ideas flowing by finding out from her friends what she wants. Most likely, they have ideas that are out of your price range or unoriginal but they can at least steer you in the right direction. Read on »

Relationships are meant to be an awesome mix of fun and fuzzy feelings – but if you’re doing it right it also means being there for her.

Sure, being somebody’s boyfriend involves making each other laugh, trying new things together, making one another feel special, making out, meeting the parents, and silly traditions like prom or Valentine’s Day. But sometimes most importantly it means emotional support. So how can you be there for her when she’s overwhelmed with feelings?  Try these three things:

Read on »

The latest installment of “Things Jerks Do” is in. Find here another mini-collection of male behavior that will make any dude less of a man and a lot more of a jerk. Understand them then avoid them in your relationships.

Count lame hang outs as dates.

If you’re in a relationship with a girl, sure not every moment is going to magical. This doesn’t mean, however, that you can count half-assed hang outs as romance. She needs to be shown a good time, be given some undivided attention, and taken to something new every so often. Get some clarity on what doesn’t count as a date and make sure there is a balance between the mundane and the passionate.

Insist on FWB when she obviously wants more.

Friends With Benefits can work if both partners are getting what they need. But if it’s clear that one person is more emotionally invested in this relationship than the other, things should either progress or be cut off. Insisting on getting the physical fulfillment you want but holding back on the commitment end is just taking advantage of her feelings in a sleazy way.

Never compliment their girlfriend.

She knows you’re attracted to her (mind, body, and spirit) but it helps to be reminded. Frequently. You don’t need to shower her in praise but never telling her something you appreciate about her or what makes her special is an easy way to take her for granted. Let her know she means something to you or you’re letting her down. Read on »

From: Derek

Unfortunately, I’ve fallen in love with one of my best friends. I really want to go out (but hook up to spark the relationship) with her, but I don’t know how to start. Ever since she broke up with her boyfriend, she’s been texting me more and always seems to want to hang out with me. I can get her alone pretty easily, but I don’t know whether to risk trying to hook up with her, because if she doesn’t feel the same, that’d make it real awkward between us.

She keeps throwing me mixed signals, like asking me to take her out, then when I take her out, telling me she want to hook me up with one of her friends.

So first, do I try to hook up with her? And second, how should I start when I get her alone. Thanks.

H.U.S.H. Response:

Lots of dudes wind up with a crush on one of their female friends. It feels uniquely unfortunate but actually it’s a universally awkward experience.

Step One, Read on »

Do you have female friends? Maybe. Would it bother you if your girlfriend hated every female friend you had? Probably. Then should it be okay for you to have beef with every boy your girlfriend hangs out with? No.

Jealousy can get pretty gross. It makes sense to feel a little riled up when you see a guy hitting on your girlfriend or watching her swoon over another boy. But if you’re the type to get overly-protective in less serious situations you’ll definitely turn girls off and turn into a dude that most people don’t like.

The guys that get angry every time their girlfriend is alone with another guy, has problems with every friend she has with a penis, and is constantly checking in with her to assure other dudes aren’t around is the kind of guy that winds up being abusive. Being this overbearing doesn’t make her feel any more special. It won’t make anyone important in her life feel good about you. It won’t help your relationship last in the long run. So chill out.

Despite the seemingly endless debate on the subject – lots of guys and girls can actually be friends. You know males with female friends (you might even be one) and vice versa. So stop freaking out. You will be appreciated much more if you:

  • Show her you trust her. Don’t make a big deal about it when she hangs out with other dudes.
  • Calmly tell her about times when you have felt jealous so she knows you notice the way she interacts with other guys but doesn’t feel like you’re making demands about how she is supposed to act.
  • Try to get along with her male friends. (Only to an extent – if they are D-Bags don’t be fake and try to roll with guys you just don’t like.)

There are few females that have zero male friends. If this is always going to bother you, stop dating now. The quicker you deal with the fact the fact that your girlfriend has friends of the opposite sex the faster you’ll become a better boyfriend.

So go on, Get Over It!

If you are involved with a girl and the two of you are ever in a situation where you have to introduce her, you will run into problems if you haven’t thought about how you will introduce her.

Figuring out when (or even if) to introduce her to other people as your “girlfriend” can be tricky. It might involve a few conversations you’re scared to have but talking this out with a girl you’ve been seeing will help you avoid awkward moments that are sure to hurt whatever it is the two of you have together.

If you never make an effort to figure this out one of these three things will happen to you Read on »

From: Austin

She’s small and thin while I’m on the bigger side. How should I go about talking to her while I’m also shy?

H.U.S.H. Response:

I know this sounds like a cliché, but size doesn’t matter. Sure the way our culture is set up it seems like having a body like the guys that we see in the media would help us draw girls, but in reality it’s not often a make-or-break factor if there are other things someone has going for them. I have seen small girls go for big guys. I’ve seen big girls take on scrawny boys. I have known jacked guys that couldn’t get a date throughout high school. I have known heavyset kids that jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend.

What matters most is Read on »

At this point midsummer the days couldn’t feel longer, the girls’ shorts couldn’t seem shorter, and you’re as far away from a classroom as you’ll be at any point in the year. If you’re looking to heart up your love life in addition to the temperature outdoors take a tour through last summer’s dating ideas and check back soon for new tips to stay cool with the ladies.

Summer Dates to Take:

And if things are really getting frisky take another look at Read on »

Sometimes getting the girl you want takes time. Like… a lot of time. For one reason or another something hasn’t clicked and allowed the two of you to be together just yet (one or both of you are in other relationships, maybe you live too far apart and aren’t ready for an LDR, or you don’t get to see each other all that frequently). But just because things aren’t moving at the pace you prefer doesn’t mean you won’t get there eventually.

Welcome to Glacial Game, the idea of attracting a girl over a l-o-n-g stretch of time, as if things were moving at a glacier’s pace. How do you make it work?

1. Avoid The Friend Zone at all costs.

Knowing her and not being intimately involved (romantically or physically) early on puts you dangerously close to the path towards her Friend Zone. If you let yourself just be the nice dependable guy that’s pleasant to have around every now and then making the leap to someone she like likes is unlikely.

2. Make every interaction count.

This is where things get tricky. Every time you two are together things have to be somewhat meaningful – and preferably each interaction has to progress (even if ever-so-slightly) in the romantic direction. Think about just stretching out a normal dating development over a longer timeframe – a group get together at one point, a party you take her to the next time, and maybe a one-on-one date-like interaction next before some alone time somewhere secluded. So what if there are weeks or even months between each? She’s still got to have the idea that this might go somewhere.

3. She has to associate you with feeling awesome.

You have to display what makes you desirable and plant the idea in her head that if circumstances were somewhat different somewhere down the road you are the type of guy she would want. Try using some of the attraction tricks we’ve talked about before and ensuring that you bring you’re A-Game whenever she is around.

4. You can’t be around too much.

If you’re always there but not intimately entwined in her life, she won’t recognize the potential for you to be anything other than platonic. Keep your distance to ensure that you’re still following rule #2.

5. When opportunity knocks…

Your patience can pay off. When the moment arises you have to jump on it. If you eventually find yourself in a romantic setting with her and you’re getting the signals that she wants to take this somewhere new you’ve got to go for it. Muster whatever courage you need and go in for the kiss. This is what you’ve waited for, isn’t it? Don’t let the chance slip away when it’s there.

From Gabe:

Basically this girl chased me for about a year but i didnt have any feelings for her more than a friend , we went out on 2 dates and she liked me more but i still wasnt sure , and at partys she would always come over to me and id try to shake her off. Well eventually we got into a relationship that lasted 2 months and she suddenly went all blunt and wouldnt reply to texts etc and all this made me want her and when she broke up she said she just looks at me as a bestfriend but i said “i dont think we can be friends” and i never heard from her again then i text her 3 weeks later and she was blunt then posted on twitter “dont try talk to me now after all this time , its over done and finished” im so confused how can she go from being clingy to not wanting me?

H.U.S.H. Response:

If there is anything I learned in high school, perhaps even one of the major motivations for making a guide for guys like Hooking Up and Staying Hooked, it is how unpredictable teenage girls can be.  Sure guys can be complicated and irrational and send mixed signals too, but sometimes guys just feel completely lost when it comes to the unpredictability of girls. This situation is one that just about every guy has been through and that probably no one has figured out on the first try.

Before this situation makes you wind up like Ryan Gosling in the above clip from The Notebook, take a minute to think about some of the following things. Read on »