Being a jerk – is it natural? Are guys trained to act like this? Maybe we just don’t know any better. Not any more. Welcome to the latest series from Hooking Up & Staying Hooked – Things Jerks Do. We’ve made it simple. Avoid the behaviors we talk about here and you’re in the clear. Check out the first edition: Read on »
Archive for the ‘Don’t’ Category
This is Abuse is a powerful new campaign from the UK government helping teenage guys recognize, prevent, and fight against abuse and sexual assault in all forms in their relationships.We’ve tried to broach the subject of consent and abuse on the website before, but This is Abuse really drives home the point that we as men need to be more aware of our behavior. We don’t get to blame anyone or anything for what we do and we don’t get to do whatever we want within a relationship, a fling, or even a casual hook up. When it comes to our interactions with girls, it’s time to wake up and start acting like the respectful human beings we are capable of being.
You’ve already read here on H.U.S.H. about what it might be like to invite a girl to a more private space at a party to get a little physical (and obviously we couldn’t say enough that adding alcohol to the mix could confuse signals and lead to activity that you or she might not have been ready for.) You know that it would be challenging in such circumstances it might be difficult to have the regular discussion about what you do and don’t want to do before things get heated up and out of control. So be aware! Pay attention to yourself and recognize abuse before it begins. Read on »
In many relationships it can be tough to hold on to all those amazing feelings that turned your light flirtation into a flourishing romance once the two of you have been together for some significant time. If you’ve hit a rough patch, trying to figure out how you’re really feeling can get pretty confusing – you definitely still care about each other and like each other a lot but you’re young and does this relationship need to be so serious right now?
Although some couples decide to “take a break” while they try to wrap their head around their own emotions and it works for them, the odds are stacked against you and a clean break leads to less mess. So before you two start experimenting with your relationship status read these reasons for splitting up rather than putting things on pause. Read on »
Some say all is fair in love and war. Others stand firmly by the belief Bros before hos. So which words of wisdom are you meant to follow when you find yourself longing for a buddy’s crush. We don’t get to choose who we fall for, but we do get to decide what we do with our feelings. When it comes to relationships and friends, it’s better to be safe than sorry – so cool your jets and open up.
Before you do anything Read on »
Sure, it almost makes sense. Your body is still changing and there are unpredictable waves of testosterone crashing through your body. All of a sudden you want to express the manliness that roars inside you. BUT this does not give you the excuse to act like a caveman.
You’ve probably seen it around school before and scoffed – that upperclassman jock stomping around treating girls like play toys. But with a little bit of confidence under your belt you should take a quick look in the mirror and make sure you haven’t become a Neanderthal yourself. Look out for the following behaviors before they start casting you in a Geico commercial next week.
Throwing her over your shoulder
Whoa! You’ve actually been trying in this semester’s gym section of weight training and now you want to Hulk Out all the time. But scale it back. You are not “The Situation.” (Or at least you shouldn’t want to be). It’s not likely that the girl you’re flirting with enjoys just being tossed about and picked up so that her relationship to gravity is out of her control. There is a difference between sweeping her off her feet and just picking her up.
So talking through your problems isn’t always easy. And if you feel like you’re being misunderstood then becoming frustrated is pretty natural. When some guys let their inner-cavemen come out this results in throwing fists at a wall, a locker, a car dashboard, whatever. They’re not technically hitting their girlfriends so they think this sort of behavior isn’t that bad – but they’re wrong. The threat of physical abuse is still abuse. It’s a serious issue. So before you start whaling on that wall to show just what a man you are in an argument with her, remove yourself from the situation and cool off.
Grabbing at her
Nothing says pre-historic jerk more than being the type of guy who can’t keep from pawing at girls like an uncontrollable animal. Grabbing at girls in the hallway. Groping your girlfriend in front of others. Overly-aggressive hugs that weren’t asked for. Girls may laugh it off like they don’t mind all that much, but this is usually because they don’t have many other options to fight this behavior off. We’ve talked about touching before and none of it has recommended doing so with a macho attitude or in front of tons of people.
If you find yourself, or any of your friends exhibiting some of this behavior bring them back to the 21st Century and make them read some more of H.U.S.H.
Some of you may have been using the advice here on Hooking Up & Staying Hooked to find a girlfriend. We’ve written about everything from meeting girls, first dates, and showering her how special she is. With these words of wisdom and maybe a little luck you may have found yourself with a girl that you think is extraordinary. So don’t screw it up by saying something dumb like, “I never woulda thought a girl like you would go for a guy like me.”
There is no good way this line could be taken.
Sure you probably meant it as a compliment. This Read on »
In high school we have teachers to help us through tough subjects, we have coaches to guide us to victory, and a lucky few of us have older brothers who are there to give us advice as we try to figure out girls, dating, and relationships. But I didn’t have an older brother and many of you might not either. In a previous post, Maritza noted that there was tons of information she never got from her older sister that might have prevented some stupid romantic mistakes. And now it’s my turn to imagine which words of wisdom would have been most helpful from an older brother. Read on »
Dating within friend groups is one of those things that happens. It’s hard to help it – especially in high school. But maybe it isn’t always the best for either person involved or the rest of the buddies in the group. Here are a few things to thing about before you go around dating your friends.
Who Can Blame You?
If you’re attracted to someone you see a lot that makes sense. Proximity (nearness to someone or something) tends to increase how fond of someone we are. So hanging out with this person again and again is already increasing how much you enjoy this person. Not finding them attractive would be an uphill battle. Maybe that’s why being in The Friend Zone sucks so much. It’s also usually hard to meet new people in high school. Sometimes you’re stuck with the people you go to class with or some friends you know from whatever extracurriculars you might be involved in. Who can blame you for wanting to get with some of your friends when there is no one else around?
If you like each other as friends already the thought of adding the benefits seems like a fun idea to explore. You both have desires, there is an element of safety, and usually plenty of opportunities to have something romantic happen. But going from friendly to fondling comes with a set of complications we have explored before.
What are the Risks?
Something worth thinking about is not just how this affects the two of you, but how it affects the friends around you. It can make it pretty awkward for the others if all of a sudden the two of you can’t keep your hands off one another. And who knows? It may make someone in the group feel left out. You can’t let your friends decide who you get to and don’t get to date, but you can’t just be inconsiderate and make this awkward for them.
If it really is right for you, go for it.
Some seriously happy couples started off escalating to romance from their friend group. If you think there is actually something between you two you should let her know and see where it leads.
There are some things guys should never say to a girl. Critiquing her figure, body or weight is one conversation you should keep off limits.
More likely than not it will be hurtful in a way you never want to be – even if you meant to say it kindly. Sometimes guys think they’re complimenting their girlfriends by saying something like, “I mean you could like totally be a model if you lost a few pounds.” Or perhaps Read on »
If you’re reading this that means you’re on the internet. If you’re on the internet that means there’s a good chance you’ve already heard of the popular meme Socially Awkward Penguin. More than just making us laugh out loud in real life, what this self-conscious little cartoon bird does is illustrate that the tiny things that make you feel like a social outcast are actually pretty common. Read on »
It may seem like the simplest advice imaginable. It’s so basic that when someone says, “My eyes are up here” it sounds like a joke about how clichéd of a saying this is. We shouldn’t have to give this advice, but at the same time it may be one of the hardest things HUSH asks you to do. Please – when talking to a girl don’t stare at her boobs.
Right this may be asking you to go against your biology Read on »
We’ve told you before to think twice about sexting. Again, no matter how totally awesome it is to receive naked pictures from a girl you know via a tiny computer that lives in your pocket it is actually totally illegal.
And while the idea of going to court for something that seems so silly, simple, or inconsequential is sometimes hard to recognize as a real possibility, maybe this more tangible situation will help you reconsider hitting “delete” over “save.” There is almost nothing more awkward than her parents finding out, calling your parents and explaining to them the situation. Read on »
Sometimes guys and girls think differently about what counts as a date. A common complaint any guy who finds himself romantically involved will hear from his girl is, “We never go out any more.” You were great at wooing her, but keeping her happy requires some effort on your part to show her she’s special. This means keeping up the creativity in your dating routine. Take a look at these non-dates and think about your own balance of casual together-time and engaging romantic activities. Read on »
If you’re having sex, using condoms is awesome. They are great at protecting you from potentially contracting STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and keeping you from being a dad before you should be.
If you’ve been a reader here at HUSH you’ve learned how to use them correctly and how to overcome some of the pressures that keep other people from using them. Heck, you’ve even learned where to get them (for free!).
But what about when you’re done with the deed? What happens to your condom then? This is something not enough people talk about – and it’s getting some guys intro trouble.
These are the top four ways guys are getting caught with condoms in a way that they’re not so proud of. Keep using condoms, but learn from their mistakes on what they do with them when they’re done.
- Hidden Treasure Between the Sheets. In the moment you’re so excited to have the chance to use the condom, you remember all the steps in checking it, taking it out and slipping it on that you toss the wrapper in any direction. But if someone else is cleaning your sheets they will come across this little piece of plastic. If this is your parents and they didn’t know you are having sex, this piece of evidence can and will be used against you in a totally awkward family talk. Wrap it up – just watch where you put the wrapper.
- Flushing your Finished Product. Some guys are too scared to put a used condom in the trash in fears of being find out. They then mistakenly think they can just flush it down the toilet instead. WRONG. In the best scenarios, they don’t go down and now you have to fish it out by hand or here someone else shriek when they come across it. In the worst scenarios, an expensive plumber is called in and explains the clog to your parents.
- Pocket Protection. It’s awesome that you’ve made the decision to keep a condom on you as someone who is sexually active (or even considering it). But if you are the one to leave things in your pocket and someone else does your laundry you will be found out. Only slightly embarrassing if your parents are cool with it, but surely a nightmare if they’re not.
- Throwing it any which way. HUSH has heard waaaaay too many stories of guys finishing up and carelessly tossing their condoms out a window, into an alley, into the back seat, onto a curb, really anywhere. Gross. Not a single one of these stories has ended in anything less than the most embarrassing (and disgusting) discovery in their lives. Tie it up, throw it into a trash can, and avoid any of these awful interactions.
PDA: Public Displays of Affection. For some couples it is impossible to pry themselves off of one another. And for everyone else watching along at their outrageous demonstration of overactive hormones it is impossible not to gag.
Being tender, touchy-feely, or passionate in front of others isn’t an automatic cause for alarm. It’s just that most couples in high school don’t know how to keep themselves in check or how to avoid being that couple. Yeah, that one.
Learn the differences discussed below or get a room! Read on »