Problems

Every relationship is bound to hit some turbulence along the way. If you don’t know how to handle it these rough spots can make you crash and burn. But be prepared, and you’ll set your course for smooth sailing again. Read up here on:

 

Break Ups

  • Do Be Firm – Hold strong in your decision. A classic rookie mistake is to give her hope that you’ll get back together right away. This isn’t fair. Be confident in this decision and don’t waiver on it. Any cracks in your argument and you can wind up staying in a relationship you shouldn’t be in, or worse with a clingy ex constantly calling you wondering when things are going back to the way they were.
  • Do Be Empathetic – Try to put yourself in her position for just a second. Think about her take on this and adjust to treat her the way you would want to be treated. The more understanding you are through all of this the more smoothly it will go.
  • Do Be Prepared for a Process – A common first-timer misconception is thinking that break ups are always a one-step procedure. But these things can be drawn out for much longer than you initially expect. The first conversations could take hours through the crying or explanations. Feelings might linger after the fact and the two of your might talk, hang out, or even hook up afterward and you’ll have to do the whole break up all over again. Just know that this might take a couple of tries until it’s officially over.
  • Don’t Get Mean – Don’t add insult to injury with mean comments. Even if this break up is charged with negative emotions – dishing out harsh words will only make you look like a douche. Take the high road, keep your cool, and save your complaints to confide in your best friend afterward.
  • Don’t Lie – Don’t give excuses that aren’t true. It’s tempting but you will be found out and it will come back to bite you in the ass later on. As long as you stay firm in your decision, the true reasons you’re breaking up with her will be enough in the end.
  • Don’t do it in writing – This means no txt msg brk ups, no facebook chat convos, and no e-mails. I know they are all tempting options but you will be deemed an outcast if you don’t at least give her a call. Face-to-face is the best even if it’s the scariest.

Fighting Fair

Unfortunately fights are usually an inevitable feature of romantic relationships. Two people have to disagree eventually. You can either learn to deal with them in a healthy way, or let them trip you up ever time. It could be someone’s jealous, other times one of you might feel neglected, maybe you’ve developed a ‘tude, or perhaps you both just disagree on an issue. If you keep these tips in mind you can clear these hurdles with ease. Without them you might wind up flat on your face.

  • Remember that you like each other. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in what it is you’re fighting about that you forget this is someone you actually care about. Take a step back from the situation for a second and remind yourself that this is not someone you want to hurt. This should change your behavior for the better so that you don’t break a heart you didn’t intend to.
  • Insults are out. A good rule of thumb is not to call her by any word you wouldn’t use in front of your grandma. Things can get heated sometimes but if it gets out that you’re the kind of guy who calls his girlfriend dirty words you’re ruining your chances with any other girls in the future.
  • I (can’t believe I’m recommending this) Statements. I-Statements. There is a chance you learned about these in a really cheesy fifth grade conflict resolution assembly. And although using them the way your guidance counselor recommended would make you feel like a complete tool, if you adapt them to the way you actually talk, they can be a big help. The basic structure to an I-Statement is as follows:

I feel (emotion)  / When you (action) / Because (explanation) / I want (new action).

Right, if you just filled in the blanks like this when talking to someone you’d sound like a loser. But try and use the general principle behind I-statements to express yourself when tensions rise in a relationship. Here’s the same complaint written first in a way that would only make a fight worse and then in a way that helps her understand how you’re feeling and want to change her behavior.

“You’re always flirting with other guys. If I see it again I’m gonna deck the guy and lose you.”

“I feel like a loser when I think you’re flirting with other guys. I think I’d feel a lot better if I felt like you didn’t give other guys so much attention”

See how the first statement might piss someone off whereas the second one gets a point across. Expressing yourself with I-statements won’t make you a p*ssy. It’s a way to assert yourself without making things worse than they already are. Think of it as stating your argument instead of starting one with her.

Related Advice

Dating girls is riddled with more potential landmines than just what you see here. Check out other advice to help you trouble shoot your romantic relationships here.